Sunday, July 26, 2009

What's this?! A beat in my shriveled black heart?

For the most part, I abhor romantic comedies. I do not particularly enjoy sweetness and saccharine shoved down my orifices, thank you very much. Doubly so if it involves marriage. Never having been to a ceremony myself (my friends, this is a hint), I cannot say I understand just how taxing preparing for the day might be itself. If Hollywood and Bride Wars taught me anything, is that thereotically, a ceremony is hard work. Picking presents, showers, hen's and buck's night, the dress, bridesmaid, catering - it all adds up, and the fun, just simply isn't quite there anymore.

I've always figured that if I should get married, I'd do the right thing and elope. Why force your best friends into wearing dresses they don't particularly like or sit through hours long dinner just because they had the due misfortune of working with you? And well, when the divorce happens, I wouldn't need to face the embarrassment of all those too bad, so sad, but I totally called it! smug faces since everyone knows that's too be expected with quickie, unconventional marriages.

But this. CNN called out the irony of using Chris Brown's 'Forever', but you know what? Damn the man. It is a damn catchy song and while they could have probably used the old classics like Dean Martin's 'Love', well, it would have been that much more trite. Plus, you know that red head from 0:32 to 0:44 wouldn't have been able to bust out those sweet dance skills he's been frontin' since the MC Hammer Pants era had it been any other song.

I hope against hope that Jill and Kevin fall on the 'stay together' side of the 50%. It brings tears to the eyes and hope to the heart to see real magic on a day raped time and time again by the Hollywood machine.

Now, my only question is, when will this be incorporated into a movie? And even better, why didn't any writer think this up in the first place?

Thursday, July 9, 2009

For Your Consideration: Magical Education

For the most part, the basic magic education that Harry, Ron and Hermione go through in Hogwarts consists of the following subjects:- Defence Against the Dark Arts, Charms, Transfiguration, Potions and Herbology. Sure, there is a smattering of a few other subjects such as Care of Magical Creatures, Divinity, Arithmancy and so on.

Given this, wouldn't the logical conclusion be that Wizards and Witches from Hogwarts are unable to do Math??

I find this very disturbing. Since, it seems, wizards and witches only attend school beginning at age 11, it wouldn't be a stretch to suggest that they don't know simple algebra. Do they know how to compute something like 4 multiplied by 25? Say, if a customer comes into their shop and chooses to buy 5 Broomsticks or whatever at 85 galleons each, and receives 325 galleons from the customer, would the shopkeeper know that the customer is short by 100 galleons?

There doesn't seem to be a spell revealed just yet on how algebra and/or arithmetic is performed. Granted, there probably is not a real need for advanced stuff like Linear Algebra or Real Analysis, but some simple calculus might be worthwhile too. I mean, there are businesses in the wizarding world and businesses need some form of business model; most business models employ the use of calculus in their optimization process.

It boggles the mind, really. And sure, there are other really useful subjects that the magical world seems to forget. Languages, for example. Even basic Geography. I'd be surprised if a Wizard could point out where New Zealand is, assuming even basic general knowledge.

So, there you have it. Is the wizarding world really full of wizards and witches who, however powerful their wand work, are inept at even basic Mathematics? This really is a dark and difficult time.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

The Movie Kakis Stamp of Epic Summer Movie Fail: Transformers 2

(guys we need a stamp.. of the Pedobear stamp of approval kind)

You know a movie is bad when you make killer robots idolized by young and old folk both far and wide, into naggy, whiny, and not to sound like a complete teenager but really lame androids devoid of personality or any instance of coolness. Okay, so there were some personality involved. But good heavens, have we not learned from the School of Me-sa Jar Jar Episode 1 Disaster? Racial stereotypes were never funny and will never be funny. If simple comedians with a twenty minute set list can't get away with racially biased jokes, how can a full length 2 hours and 20 minutes movie hope to?

Across the board, as Ad would put it, "big massive clubbed thumbs down" from all of us. For what it is worth, this is my summary, as demonstrated in Paint.

Graph of Transformers

Since I'm a born optimist, I will say that the one good thing that came out from this show is that Nick, the token Y chromosome chapter of the group finally came around to recognizing Megan Fox's blatant unhotness:

"Dude, she's kinda plastic".

Never has there been sweeter words spoken in the face of abominable epic robot fail.