Friday, May 13, 2011

Five Reasons Why You Should Watch Priest

Yes, this movie. No, it's not Legion. Yes, it has the same director and the same lead actor. Yes, it's cheese-tastic. And yes, these are indeed five legit reasons why you should go watch Priest at your local cinema this weekend.

Reason #5
I didn't think it possible, but Cam Gigandet's shirt stays on throughout the movie, quite possibly the first in his entire oeuvre (and yes, for shame, I've seen almost all of it). Given how he tends to lose his shirt mid-way in most of his movies, if ever he even had one from the start, Priest is quite the novelty watch. How often do you hear one say, "Wow, did you see Cam Gigandet with his shirt on?"

Reason #4
All you need to know about the movie is laid out in the pre-released movie posters below. Almost as if the marketing execs went, "yeah, so the plot isn't rocket science but let's simplify it further. AND STRESS REAL HARD THAT PAUL BETTANY IS NOT AN ANGEL THIS TIME AROUND."

Now that crucial information like plot, names and character arcs needn't be fussed with anymore, we, the audience, can now proceed to play the Priest drinking game. The rules are as follows; down one shot of alcohol of choice every time you see each character doing an action from the poster.

- The Priest (Paul Bettany) gazing grimly to the camera
- The Priestess' (Maggie Q) hard nipples that give Rachel Green's famed peaks a run for her money
- The Sheriff (Cam Gigandet) pointing his gun just to the side of the camera
- Lucy the Kidnapped (Lily Collins) on the brink of shedding tears
- Black Hat (Karl Urban) baring his fangs
- Vampires treating humans like paper, they of course being the terror-inspiring paper shredders.

With this Priest drinking game, you'll have nothing short of a real treat at the movie. You can even enjoy the 3D-effects post-movie, when the projectile vomiting starts!

Reason #3
In case you missed the wall of text above, here is reason number #3 recapped and in bold for the TL;DR folk on why Priest is a must-watch movie; "
The Priestess' (Maggie Q) hard nipples that give Rachel Green's famed peaks a run for her money". Sadly, that particular brand of magic missed the 3D-conversion mark.

Reason #2
Paul Bettany. Even with a ridiculous 't' on his forehead, Paul Bettany remains a GQMF. Pictorial evidence below.

Reason #1
This Friday marks the sole Friday the 13th we'll enjoy on this year's calendar. Are you really going to spend the day watching mindless fluff like Something Borrowed? Respect the day. Choose theme-appropriate mindless fluff. Choose Priest.